February (UN)DONE
#8 a month of unlearning
(Un)done is my monthly round-up. Sharing what I’ve been (un)learning, what’s captured my interest and how that’s shaping my focus for the coming month, with some prompts for you along the way1. It’s free-to-read for all subscribers. 😊
Hello
I’m trying super hard not to be a British cliche and open this month’s (un)done full of superlatives about the weather. I’m also resisting the urge to apologise for this coming out in March instead of February. The ‘shoulds’ have been shouting, but I’m refusing to let them bully me (about this anyway!). So, shall we just dive straight in?
What I’ve been (un)learning this month
Putting it off can be harder than doing the actual thing
Last year I had an idea about holding (un)learning conversations on substack - a way to explore the real life-ness behind making a change.
In my usual fashion, I overthought it. I had to know how the series was going to work, what the shape of the conversations would look like, the type of people I would talk to. My inner chatter was in overdrive - “you can’t mess it up in public, so wait until everything is right.”
Technology once again felt like a big barrier for me. “You’re no good at the tech, so tread carefully”, I’ve realised is a new invisible rule I’m following.
Thankfully, Claire Venus ✨ called me out in a session of her Audience Alchemy programme that I’ve been part of. Where I was trying to push it into the long grass, she challenged me to just do it - and do it within the week!!
Realising my excuses were just that, I once again reminded myself that it’s all an experiment. With some helpful tech tips from Claire and a willing guinea pig in Carrie-Ann Wade I went live for the first time.
And it was fine! More than fine. I actually enjoyed it. And far from being a problem, the tech was far easier to navigate than when I had my own podcast and was trying to do it all myself (or when I spent ££ on an editor who would help).
I’ve proven my inner chatter wrong - I didn’t need it all worked out and I’m not completely awful with tech. Plus there are great people out there who can help when you ask! Shifting to experiment mode meant that I didn’t have a specific worth attached to the outcome.
I’ve since guested on Kendall Marie Platt 🌱 ’s substack and gone live with Daria Diaz in the second (un)learning conversation. There’s no shutting me up now. You can rewatch them all here:
💭 Where are you attaching too much worth to a particular outcome?
I don’t need more, I need depth
I’ve been feeling a pressure to perform more. It’s completely self-imposed, but is reminiscent of the early days in my business when I thought I had to be visible by posting several times a day.
I haven’t been doing that, but I could if I wanted to. I’ve been suckered into viewing other people’s prolificacy on the socials as a sign that I’m doing things wrong. And so my brain has gone into overdrive with 101 ideas of what I could do at any one time and then overwhelming myself into inaction.
I don’t want to feed a beast - constantly producing for an algorithm. I also don’t want to be flitting around all over the place. I’ve realised over the past couple of weeks that my discomfort isn’t with volume, it’s something deeper. I write on substack because I enjoy a slow-forming thought. Instagram and LinkedIn can feel like the overactive little brother (or sister). And so the tension is these things feeling in competition with each other, instead of a support.
My sense of inadequacy isn’t because someone else is posting a lot (they do them and all that), it’s because I feel I have to move on when I still have stuff to say. I want the conversations, but I’m changing topic too often.
And so I’ve decided I’m going to lean into a theme more, explore it over weeks and months, not ‘wham, bam, thank-you mam’. After writing this piece in January, I think identity is the thread I want to pull at further. We’ll see how the experiment goes - I’d love to know your thoughts as well.
💭 What area in your work or life would benefit if you went deeper?
Working 9-5, what a way to make a living
For the past month I’ve been playing with my working hours. It’s the experiment I set myself as part of The (Un)learning Lab - seeing what would happen if I wasn’t constrained by the 9-5 mindset (a hangover from my corporate days and living with someone still very much on that train!).
My focus so far has been my morning routine, resisting the call to be at my desk by a certain time and instead using it to exercise, read and basically ease myself into the work-day.
Although I’ve enjoyed a different type of morning, the benefits of changing things up have had ripple effects. I’m procrastinating less when I do get to work. I’m working later in the day to match my energy. And the biggest myth I’ve busted? That I’d feel guilty, or D would moan, if I worked later than him.
So far, the experiment hasn’t created the thinking space I’d hoped for. And there’s still something around productivity and worth that I need to explore. But that’s why the Lab experiments run in three-month cycles, so I can adjust and follow the findings. Keep watching this space.
💭 Where are you following an outdated working pattern that no longer serves you?
And keeping me occupied…
I saw the Marie Antoinette exhibition at the V&A. I was really taken by the quality of the craftsmanship, prints that looked digital but would have been hand-made, all the minor details so carefully considered. It was also pretty amusing that she’s portrayed as a chubby woman, yet the size of the clothes - she was tiny! Shows that unhelpful narratives around women’s bodies have been around a long time and it’s all BS!
On the topic of women’s bodies, I inhaled the documentary on America’s Next Top Model. I admit to being an avid watcher back in the day, and it did make me realise how little I questioned then. It also shows how manipulative the media are in influencing how we think and behave.
A lighter watch was Derry Girls. I admit that I didn’t think this was a show for me, so avoided watching it when it first came out. But I was wrong. Oh for the 90s nostalgia alone it was worth it.
And I finished watching Secret Genius last night. The competition element of the show was pretty standard (not the tasks but the format), but what struck me was the personal stories of the contestants. So much around self-perception and belief, worth and value, labels and identity - an unlearner’s bread and butter I’d say!
My reading stack this month looked like:
In case you missed it, here’s what I’ve been writing this month:
I also had the pleasure writing for Louise Thompson’s Lead with Intention publication:
One thought I’m taking into next month…
Where else might themes be helpful in my work or life?
In realising that I want to go deeper in my unlearning explorations, I’m wondering if there are other areas in my life where I could benefit from this approach.
Thanks for being here 💕 Let me know how your February has been and what final thoughts you’re taking with you. If you’re reading this in your emails then click the link below to share your thoughts.
All the best … Lee x
🌟 I work with high-functioning, purpose-led people, helping them to unlearn the invisible rules shaping how they work and live - so they can stop over-carrying, over-performing and reclaim their agency to build a life that actually fits.
Here’s how you can (un)learn with me…
If you want to explore this lightly → The (Un)learning Lab
If you want to untangle one rule → The (Un)learning Intervention
If you want to reclaim your identity → The (Un)learning Blueprint 🌟
If what I write resonates, this symbol 💭 offers moments for you to sit with the exploration.
I really enjoyed talking with you Lee. In the “not shutting up department,” I think I gave you a run for your money. Great talk about unlearning. Thank you for the opportunity.