I've stopped performing at festivals
and, no, I'm not a secret rock star before you ask
Hi, I’m Lee and I’m (un)learning in public. I talk about life and business, the BS that holds us back and the things that build us up again (in my case books, creative explorations and a dash of Murder, She Wrote). It’s lovely to have you here 😊
I’ve just spent the past four days in a field with 20,000 people.
This is, I think, our 8th year going to Love Supreme Festival. I’m not a natural ‘being in the country’ girl, so we go big with the glamping. We’re getting slicker with the packing; D and I know our roles and have a routine to get there in one piece without either of us having a meltdown.
There’s a rhythm to our festival…
the slower mornings, sat outside the tent with a cuppa and reading my book, listening to the sounds of the main stage warm-up floating over to us on the breeze…
me popping along to some of the side-show talks, while D invariably makes friends with the neighbouring tents…
hopping around the stages in the afternoon, finding unknown bands, sandwiched between rest-breaks back in the tent…
crawling back in the cold and dark at the end of the night, our feet aching, ready to rest up and do it all again.
This is a tried and tested formula that works for us.
Some people try and pack it all in. We’ve realised we need to create space. Not just in time to rest but also to be away from all the people. It can get overwhelming, especially when everyone is not there for the same reasons or perhaps have the same etiquette.
At times, I find myself getting grumpier. At the people who push to get to the front. Those who don’t understand personal space. And even worse those who do both of these things and THEN stand in front of you yapping with their mates, not paying any attention to the show. I try not to let it sidetrack me and shove aside the revengeful shouts of encouragement my inner perimenopausal voice is giving.
The thing about festivals is that while perhaps there are points of common interest that bring us together, there are so many different communities showing up that it’s absolutely possible to create your own event. And I felt it more than usual this year… in my moments of quiet I observed and really questioned what was for me and why.
Unlike my younger years, I didn’t want to perform ‘festival’; I wasn’t interested in having a certain look, I didn’t see getting drunk as an end-goal, and, even in the wellness-focussed areas I realised exactly what it was that put me off being there (and tbh that’s a whole other level of performance I need to unpack at some point).
I wasn’t attending to be seen, but to experience… new music, different foods, interesting conversations. And I got that. From watching someone demonstrate mastery in their musicality to getting chatting in the queue for a coffee and covering everything from Brexit to Burnham in less than five minutes. D and I also got to talk uninterrupted. I read loads. A distinct lack of signal meant that I was forced offline and didn’t miss it at all. Plus I had the best cheesy chips (I didn’t say my food choices would be adventurous).
I’ve always loved music and live music experiences and I’m glad that as I’ve changed I haven’t lost that love, but I’m allowing my approach to meet me where I’m at.
Now I’m home and resisting the call to get back to ‘normal’. I’m greedy for more space. To think and experience, not just ‘do’. I wonder how long this will last before I’m pulled to be busy again, to be more visible even.
What’s your view? Have you let interests go instead of growing with you? Or have you let go of performance to keep your interests alive?
Lee x
