November (UN)DONE
#5: a month of (un)learning
(Un)done is my monthly round-up. Sharing what I’ve been (un)learning, what’s captured my interest and how that’s shaping my focus for the coming month, with some prompts for you along the way. It’s free-to-read for all subscribers. 😊
Hey there
I ‘should’ve’ sent this round-up at the weekend, so it could land neatly in your lap for the end of the month, because that’s what a perfectly professional newsletter writer would do.
I’m not that perfect. And, in shaking off my corporate BS, I’m trying not to be that professional either!
So you’re getting this on 2 December - at a time when my energy felt right, I had space to think and I wasn’t forcing myself into some self-imposed deadline that means nothing to anyone.
My weekend instead was spent decompressing after a full-on week that pushed me way out of my (current) comfort zone. I slowly let my festive-(s)elf emerge, watched my first Christmas film (The Holdovers - hadn’t seen it before, didn’t realise the Christmas connection, but it was just what I needed) and put the decorations up.
And that pretty much sums up the energy I’m bringing to this final month of 2025; reflecting on a November that stretched me in ways I didn’t expect and continues to pull the threads of my safety blanket as I dismantle the rules and conditions no longer serving me.
How was your November?
What I’ve been (un)learning this month
I don’t need to (un)learn it all at once
I brought (un)learning to my coaching supervision session last week. I wanted to dig into my sticking points and make sure I was practicing what I preach. Even though I’m open about my (un)learning experiments, I felt there must be a higher level of awareness I needed to reach to properly serve my clients.
All my own BS ganged up on me - impatience, FOMO, comparison, self-expectation, doubt - telling me I couldn’t help others ‘properly’ if I wasn’t constantly challenging my own restrictions and blockers.
That’s what those sticky little buggers do. They try to keep you in sameness, regardless of how you’re feeling.
My breakthrough wasn’t kaleidoscopic. I don’t have THE final list of everything I must (un)learn in life.
Instead clarity came in acceptance. That (un)learning is like the sea: a constant ebb and flow - sometimes still, sometimes choppy - bringing things to the surface when they’re ready. And THAT’S the moment you deal with them.
Without sounding like a complete w*nker, (un)learning is a life’s work. Not a quick tick box exercise or KPI to meet.
💭 Where are you pressuring yourself to grow faster than you have capacity for?
💭 What would soften if you treated it as a wave, not a deadline?
Overwhelm wants to keep you stuck
The O word is a regular visitor to my life and a theme in the (un)learning conversations I’ve had over the past month as I’ve tested a new offer, while helping ambitious, purpose-filled people get unstuck.
We don’t always name it as overwhelm. Sometimes it’s the need to do it all and not knowing where to start. Sometimes it’s the enormity of the end goal that freezes us.
Many of you that I’ve spoken with want everything-ness (yes, that is a word!). And not just doing all the things, but doing them with perfection mode fully activated.
And when, inevitably, we hit a snag or something goes ‘wrong’ we find it hard to continue. We lose confidence. We do nothing. We make excuses. We fester in our feeling of failure.
Like with me, needing to (un)learn it all NOW.
I worked myself up thinking that I needed to be doing everything. If I spoke about one thing, I felt guilty for the hundred other things I’d missed. If I saw someone talking about something vaguely related to an idea I’d had, I panicked that I’d missed my chance.
This month’s reminder - for me and those I’ve been working with - is that small actions break the cycle. Focussing on only the next step creates action, provides evidence that we can make progress and clarifies what comes after.
That’s why tiny experiments work. There’s less pressure, shorter timeframes, more energy because we’re actually doing something about the thing we’ve been overwhelmed by.
💭 Where are you slipping into everything-ness and what might shift if you focussed on one thing instead?
Do the scary things
I did two big scary things this month.
First, I went solo to an author event at my local-ish bookshop.
Second, I guested on a podcast, recorded in person at a posh studio in Somerset House.
Both were things I said yes to long enough ago when they were abstract future events that sounded like a good idea at the time.
The book event was with the author of one of my recent favourite novels and they were talking about Japanese literature, which I also enjoy (translations of I should say, unfortunately I cannot speak Japanese).
The podcast was a chance to talk about (un)learning and reach a new audience, which matters for the business.
So, theoretically, both were things that I ‘wanted’ to do.
But as they got closer, the anxiety hit. The soar of ‘what if’ questions. I catastrophised; imagining scenes of complete meltdowns and judgement. I considered pulling out. I hoped they’d be cancelled.
Of course, they weren’t.
And now I’m glad. And proud that I did them. That I didn’t have a meltdown or embarrass myself. That, with the podcast, I believed I had something of value to say. That I actually enjoyed myself, which cancelled out all the angst.
Now I’ve got evidence I can do this. I don’t need to overthink or over prepare. I don’t need unhelpful safety behaviours. My world has just got that little bit bigger.
💭 Where are you talking yourself out of something you actually want?
💭 What evidence could you gather this month about what you’re capable of?
And keeping me occupied…
My treat after the podcast was to visit Jennie Baptiste’s ‘Rhythm & Roots’ exhibition (on until Jan 26). It captured a time - the 90s/00s, when rap & hip-hop emerged as a soundtrack for many - and was a good reminder of a multicultural Britain.
I also had a mega-exhibition day earlier in the month:
Blitz, the club that shaped the 80s (on at the Design Museum until March 26) - an amazing soundtrack, and I was in awe at how dressed up everyone got for a night out.
Cartier (V&A Museum, now closed) - I love me a sparkler, and it was interesting to see these pieces, but it didn’t feel relatable to me.
Pictograms (Japan House, now closed) - this was an education in visual communication. Makes you realise how many symbols you see every day without really ‘seeing’ them.
I’ve been bulk-watching The Morning Show and Only Murders in the Building, both are displaying symptoms of series that are trying to figure out if they stop on a high or continue to go on because of money / ratings, but I still enjoyed them.
Reading has been slower - my substacks are piling up as I try to reduce my screen time, and the books I’ve read this month have been a bit flat. Marble Hall Murders by Anthony Horowitz (ok, this one was better than I’ve just told you, I rated it 4*). Mina’s Matchbox by Yoko Ogawa. The Parasites by Daphne du Maurier (which I realised I had already on my bookshelf - unread - when I went to put this one away).
I saved this article by the Misguided crew about navigating tricky conversations this Christmas. I’m also currently reading Six Conversations We’re Scared to Have by Deborah Frances-White, in the hope that I’ll be better prepared for chit-chat with family around the dinner table this year!
I also completed this survey by Give A Sh*t who are doing some really important research into purpose and profit, sustainable growth, scaling what matters - if you are a founder, small business owner, change-maker then please do take a few minutes to complete it as well!
My playlist is basically the best of Jamiroquai because I’m seeing them live next weekend and I cannot wait!!
In case you missed it, here’s what else I’ve been writing about this month:
One thought I’m taking into next month…
What space am I creating this month and what does a good holiday season look and feel like for me?
I’ll write separately about the Christmas swirl in my head, but my first focus is how I want to finish my year and what rest actually looks like. I normally take a long break over the holidays, but - like my summer sabbatical this year - I feel I might need something else. A hard stop might not be right for me.
I want to explore if that’s my BS telling me to keep working, or if something else is underneath it all. I do know that I need to filter the noise, stop comparing, and find out what’s right for me, right now.
💭 What does a “good December” look like for you, on your terms?
Thanks for being here 💕 Let me know how your month has been and what final thoughts you’re taking with you in December. If you’re reading this in your emails then click the link below to share your comments.
All the best … Lee x
🌟 In case you didn’t know… I’m a mindset and NLP coach who works with quietly ambitious founders, change-makers and accidental leaders to (un)learn the BS getting in their way. From walk & talks, to coaching containers and creative strategy sessions using my FLIP method, there are a variety of ways we could work together. If you’re interested in finding out more read this or drop me an email or DM. 🌟
Here's to doing scary things!! And thank you for the shoutout Lee :)
Love the recording