October (UN)DONE
#4: a month of (un)learning
(Un)done is my monthly round-up. Sharing what I’ve been (un)learning, what’s captured my interest and how that’s shaping my focus for the coming month, with some prompts for you along the way. It’s free-to-read for all subscribers. 😊
Happy Halloween-eve!
Not having children, I thankfully don’t have to get embroiled in the fancy dress and decorations this weekend but I am here for ALL the mini chocolates and I plan to munch down on a bag or two whilst watching an old-school horror - possibly a Stephen King because IMO they’re the best. Are you a horror movie fan? What’s your favourite?
I’ve finally accepted autumn is here and winter will soon follow, so I’m now embracing the cosy knit. And, inspired as ever by Louise Tilbrook, I’m even itching to get out the knitting needles and dust off the 80s Eastenders pattern I attempted to start last year as I go full Hygge mode.
This month has been filled with clarity as I’ve gone deeper in figuring out what I’m doing with the business and how I want to show up in the world. I’m also trying to get back into the feel good things that keep me going after falling quite heavily off the programme as I mentioned last month. It’s slow going, but I know I’ll get there because I’ve already got the evidence that it works.
How’ve things been for you this month?
What I’ve been (un)learning this month
Getting over my own BS
I had a pretty big realisation last week that in my attempts to avoid the things giving me the ick, I’ve created a whole new set of BS rules for myself. And I had to call it out.
It started with accepting that I’m always having conversations about leadership. How people show up at work or in their businesses. What they’re doing with their careers and lives. How to make sure work isn’t their whole personality. Reconnecting with the bigger picture again. The word ‘leadership’ has been taken over and morphed into something ugly, which is why I got the ick - however, a lot of my clients are still there and I need to help them reclaim what it means to be a leader. Not with this ‘authentic’ gubbins, but connecting purpose and personality.
Accepting that unblocked things for me. It’s helped me to go deeper on who I want to work with and what makes my approach different.
I’ve been getting hung up on BS language and letting it distract me and keep me playing small - which is the exact opposite of what (un)learning is meant to do.
💭 What words or ideas have you been avoiding because they’ve lost meaning - and what might shift if you redefined them for yourself?
Working through the discomfort
I’ve also been facing some scars from when I first launched the business and fell for the marketing bro hype. I’ve been avoiding doing certain things, or even appearing online in certain ways, for fear of falling back into that trap.
One of those things was creating something free. The words ‘lead magnet’ set off every ick alarm I had! But Lara Sheldrake reframed it for me: what if I focused on the value to the community, not the potential gain for me?
That shift changed everything. Within 24 hours I’d created and shared The 30 Day FLIP*. No overthinking, no polished plan, but lots of messy action and meaning. And yes, I messed up the tech more than once and sent out an email that made the ex-comms director in me die a little bit. But I didn’t spiral.
Accepting that this was new for me allowed me to take messy action. Not accepting the BS that anything ‘free’ is a marketing hustle allowed me to gift with purpose. Refusing to overthink stopped me from procrastinating in the name of perfection.
💭 Where are you holding back because you’re scared of looking like ‘past you’? What small, messy experiment could help you test a new way?
*If you’ve not got your copy of the 30 Day FLIP it’s in the header of this email (or if you’re new here you’ll get it in your welcome email when you subscribe).
Showing my face more
The last bit of BS-busting this month has been around my own visibility.
As part of The 30 Day FLIP, I showed up online every day and by the end, something was clearer: people engaged more when I showed me. Who would’ve thought?!
I’d been avoiding talking direct to camera, it felt too much like 2021-me. But when I bit the bullet and did it, I realised it was much easier than any of the fancy editing, B-roll capturing, efforts I’d been contending with.
I’ve also accepted that if (un)learning is going to reach new and different people I need to leave my own orbit. My self-talk had been telling me that I had nothing of value to add. I’m not positioning myself as an expert and therefore don’t have a ‘hook’ that people will be interested in.
It’s all BS. (Un)learning is the hook! I know that because EVERY conversation I have comes back to how we’ve been conditioned and how it holds us back.
So, I’ve been channelling my inner Lucy Werner (and using her brilliant directories) and approaching people to ask if they want to have a chat. I’ve been booked onto a podcast, commissioned to write an article and have another possible collaboration on the cards.
I always say we need to look for the evidence in the experiments we do, and this one has told me that I do have something to say that people are interested in and showing my face (or a bit of ankle as Lucy says) does make me more interesting. It’s up to me to decide what my comfort levels will be.
💭 What would showing a little more of ‘you’ look like - and what might it open up if you did?
And keeping me occupied…
I’m cautiously watching the hype build around Zak Polanski (the new Green Party leader). It’s great to hear a politician be human and say the things we’re crying out to hear. BUT I remember this feeling back in the Nick Clegg / Lib Dem days and look how that turned out. I’ve learnt not to get swept up in the moment and instead plan to be more critical in my appraisal. And we know a lot can happen between now and whenever the next election is!
Run, don’t walk, to go and visit the new V&A East Storehouse if you can; it’s an amazing space and I definitely want to go back and arrange to see some items up close. I, of course, loved the David Bowie Centre. One thing that struck me was that idea of reinvention, and how Bowie (like Madonna, Beyonce, even Taylor Swift) can go through different iterations of themself and yet the essence of them still comes clearly through. They can still connect with their audience because for all the external changes, there’s something fundamentally familiar that remains. It’s a good reminder that we shouldn’t overthink our own evolution nor shy away from showing our personality!
What else?
I finally got round to watching series 2 of Severance, and spent most of the series trying to remember what happened in the first season (why do they drag these things out!)
I loved the final season of The Newsreader, it’s such a great show and I don’t know why it’s not been talked about a lot over here - have you watched it?
We binge watched Nine Bodies in a Mexican Morgue. I’m a big fan of Anthony Horowitz, but this show fell a bit flat in the end, we guessed who did it from the very beginning.
We’re following along with The Traitors and Taskmaster - both showing it’s all about getting the right mix of people - who do you think is going to win?
I’ve been reading a lot more… Daisy Buchanan’s Read Yourself Happy was a pleasant surprise, basically a love letter to the power of reading to suit or shift any mood. And I’m back on my cosy crime reading spree with Birnam Wood by Eleanor Catton, The Examiner by Janice Hallett, and The List by Yomi Adegoke.
The perfect playlist does exist… working from a new coffee shop last week and the soundtrack was hit after hit. Turns out it was a playlist called ‘Rainy autumn day in a coffee shop in the 90s’. It’s a Spotify curation and I’m an Apple girly, so I’ve been steadily recreating the vibe. What songs would you add to this playlist?
AND, look at this find in TK Maxx (a bargain at £2.99)… if you know my story you know the place Tom Selleck holds in my heart, so it was a no-brainer to buy and will complete my hygge prep.
In case you missed it, here’s what else I’ve been writing about this month:
One thought I’m taking into next month…
How are people connecting with (un)learning?
In November I want to have lots of conversations about (un)learning and the reality of how that’s showing up for people.
I’ve decided to open up my diary to offer a handful of 1:1 calls to test a new offer and help you apply the FLIP framework to something you’re stuck on (in work, business or life). It’s completely free and available to the first 15 people who get in touch - book your space here or reply to this email. (Not to fake-scare you, but to make you aware, I’m also offering this out to my connections on LinkedIn and Insta, so you might want to book your space now if you don’t want to miss out!)
Thanks for being here 💕 Let me know how your month has been and what final thoughts you’re taking with you in November. If you’re reading this in your emails then click the link below to share your comments.
All the best … Lee x
I love messy - messy is good and can lead to things you didn't imagine. And also love the challenge to (un)learn our own BS and reframe what has been giving us the ick and holding us back.
It’s weird, my kids are grown and don’t do trick or treating any more. But the last couple of years I have got real pleasure doing a little decorating of the front porch and having all the little kids knocking for sweets. Only for a couple of hours mind! 😂